Haven't written in awhile so thought I might update those that are patiently waiting for something to be said, or you are just plain bored and need something to read....Whichever it is, I hope I can hold your attention.
We held our Pink Out game on Wednesday, May 4th, and I felt it was a success. I had two wonderful players of past help with everything and they really pulled it all together for me. The players looked terrific in their POW shirts and hot pink socks....way to represent. I have a great picture that will have to be posted once I get it downloaded. It was wonderful to see the crowd adorned in our hot pink shirts and knowing that they each contributed to our fundraising efforts. We were able to write a check to Project H.E.R. for $500 and present it to them last week. I am very proud of the girls and the effort they put behind this.
As for the season, we lost more than we won, but it was a growing year and there are only great things to come. I feel we learned alot and there towards the end we put up some really good fights, losing to Central and Newport by only one. Those are very big accomplishments. We have our end of year party this Thursday night, with costume contest - Rocker theme. I just may dye what little hair I have and really slather on the black eyeliner, along with some kind of outfit.....who knows, I may not too.
Coaching is bitter sweet at times and when your season is done you look forward to getting back to a less hectic and busy life, but you also know those seniors that you grew to love and respect, watch mature in the game are going to be leaving. I have a really special place in my heart for these few kids and getting through the awards ceremony is going to be tough.
I won't say this year of coaching was easy, quite frankly it was downright grueling to try and work full-time and be there full-time. I managed. It was good for me. I would have just sat at home feeling sorry for myself...now who wants to do that? The coaches I talked to couldn't believe I was even out there after all I went through, some others too. Why not? I have to move on sometime and what better time to than when surrounding yourself with a bunch of female teenage athletes. I can't think of a better way to spend my time. Sure, I am a role model, but this group of young women I get to coach everyday are role models of their own.....inspiring me everyday to put one foot in front of the other and do what I love to do. Thank you.....
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
In the News
I was hoping with this news spot to promote our Pink Out Game on May 4th, 2011 at Philomath High School vs. Taft High School at 4pm to raise money for Project H.E.R. - our local non-profit set up to help those diagnosed with breast cancer. Didn't really happen, and it is a nice story. I don't like much talking about me, but it was nice to have the players included and get some kind of good out of it. With this link there is a video and article.
http://www.kval.com/sports/120745234.html
http://www.kval.com/sports/120745234.html
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Horoscope and Choices
Horoscopes are funny little things. I usually ignore them. Today, for some reason I read mine. Eerily it seems to know my life:
You could be more self-protective now than anyone realizes, but your social veneer makes it look like you're fully engaged in your relationships. People close to you may be impressed with your optimistic demeanor, however, you may be reliving unexpressed hurt that continues to be recycled in your life. For now, there's no reason to change your behavior; it's okay to dance between two positions. Thankfully, you will be able to meld these disparate realities with time.
And then I found this little piece about choices - this vs. that. I will always have choices....
I woke up early today, excited over all I get to do before the clock strikes midnight. I have responsibilities to fulfill today. I am important.
My job is to choose what kind of day I am going to have.
Today I can complain because the weather is rainy or I can be thankful that the grass is getting watered for free.
Today I can feel sad that I don't have more money or I can be glad that my finances encourage me to plan my purchases wisely and guide me away from waste.
Today I can grumble about my health or I can rejoice that I am alive.
Today I can lament over all that my parents didn't give me when I was growing up or I can feel grateful that they allowed me to be born.
Today I can cry because roses have thorns or I can celebrate that thorns have roses.
Today I can mourn my lack of friends or I can excitedly embark upon a quest to discover new relationships.
Today I can whine because I have to go to work or I can shout for joy because I have a job to do.
Today I can complain because I have to go to school or eagerly open my mind and fill it with rich new tidbits of knowledge.
Today I can murmur dejectedly because I have to do housework or I can feel honored because the Lord has provided shelter for my mind, body and soul.
Today stretches ahead of me, waiting to be shaped. And here I am, the sculptor who gets to do the shaping.
What today will be like is up to me. I get to choose what kind of day I will have!
-- Author Unknown
You could be more self-protective now than anyone realizes, but your social veneer makes it look like you're fully engaged in your relationships. People close to you may be impressed with your optimistic demeanor, however, you may be reliving unexpressed hurt that continues to be recycled in your life. For now, there's no reason to change your behavior; it's okay to dance between two positions. Thankfully, you will be able to meld these disparate realities with time.
And then I found this little piece about choices - this vs. that. I will always have choices....
I woke up early today, excited over all I get to do before the clock strikes midnight. I have responsibilities to fulfill today. I am important.
My job is to choose what kind of day I am going to have.
Today I can complain because the weather is rainy or I can be thankful that the grass is getting watered for free.
Today I can feel sad that I don't have more money or I can be glad that my finances encourage me to plan my purchases wisely and guide me away from waste.
Today I can grumble about my health or I can rejoice that I am alive.
Today I can lament over all that my parents didn't give me when I was growing up or I can feel grateful that they allowed me to be born.
Today I can cry because roses have thorns or I can celebrate that thorns have roses.
Today I can mourn my lack of friends or I can excitedly embark upon a quest to discover new relationships.
Today I can whine because I have to go to work or I can shout for joy because I have a job to do.
Today I can complain because I have to go to school or eagerly open my mind and fill it with rich new tidbits of knowledge.
Today I can murmur dejectedly because I have to do housework or I can feel honored because the Lord has provided shelter for my mind, body and soul.
Today stretches ahead of me, waiting to be shaped. And here I am, the sculptor who gets to do the shaping.
What today will be like is up to me. I get to choose what kind of day I will have!
-- Author Unknown
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Gazette-Times Article
As the head softball coach at Philomath High School I am trying to put together a Pink Out game to raise money for Project H.E.R., the local non-profit that helps breast cancer patients get through this difficult time. Below is the article and the link, along with the team picture. Just trying to pay it forward.
Stephanie Kerst had no reason to worry.
At 36, the mammogram was just a new addition to her annual check-up.
It was late August when Kerst, the Philomath High softball coach, went through the procedure.
The call came on Sept. 10.
They had found a lump. It was tiny, but it was there.
Cancer.
“I’m dying,” Kerst thought.
“Because when you first find out, they don’t know anything. All they know is, you have cancer. That’s all you’re told. So then you wait.”
Her husband, Jeremy, finally arrived home and they talked about the situation.
It helped that Jeremy is a cancer survivor, but the unknown loomed.
The next day Kerst got another call.
This one from Joann Stutzman of Project H.E.R., a local program that helps women who have been diagnosed with breast cancer work through the process.
They talked and Kerst realized that she had hope.
“It makes you feel better,” Kerst said. “You’re not dying. There is help. There are resources. There are all these things out there that will help you get through it.”
Kerst had no idea if she would continue coaching softball at PHS.
She called athletic director Steve Bennett soon after she found out and told him that she would be fine if they had to find someone else.
“Because at the time I talked to him I knew nothing,” she said. “He said, ‘I will do whatever it takes to make sure that you get to do what you want to do.’”
She knew she wanted to stick with softball.
There was a long road to go to get to that point.
Despite the inclination of her doctors, Kerst was determined to get a mastectomy.
She didn’t want to wonder if the cancer would come back.
“In my mind it was no question,” she said. “I always said that if I got it I was going to get a mastectomy. The doctors think I’m crazy because it was a stage 0-1 which is what I have for breast cancer, which is very small, but I just don’t want to sit and obsess about it.
“I just want to move on with my life.”
Kerst had surgery on Oct. 5.
Then the real troubles began.
Battle after battle
Kerst left the hospital on Oct. 8, a Friday. She felt fine and went to a football party the next day and seemed OK through the week.
She woke up the following Friday morning screaming from the pain.
It was a staph infection.
“I didn’t know what was happening,” Kerst said. “My left side was killing me. I was running a fever. We called the doctor and he said get in here immediately. I was in the hospital for five days because of the infection.”
A few weeks later she was hit by another infection.
“The whole thing swelled up. They took out 300 (cubic centimeters) of pus out of my left side,” she said. “The day after Thanksgiving I had surgery to have my left expander removed.
“Then I felt great.”
Kerst started chemotherapy in December.
She had four sessions and had a bad reaction after the second one.
She wanted to quit.
“I didn’t want to do it anymore and my husband’s like, ‘You can do it, you can do it,’ ” she said. “And after number three, you want to stop. People who do 12 chemo sessions or more, they are amazing to me. After number four, I couldn’t have done it.”
Kerst got through the chemo and did not have to go through radiation treatment.
Tests of her lymph nodes came back negative.
“Right now I can say I’m cancer-free,” she said.
A season of recovery
Her hair is growing back in wisps of blonde.
Day after day, Kerst is returning to her old self.
Getting back to softball was a tough transition physically but a boost mentally for Kerst.
Recovery from chemo and the surgery takes some time and Kerst had plenty of down days.
“I watch her and she’s inspiring in that she comes out and she pushes these kids to do their best even though I know there are times when she’s tired,” assistant coach Saff Evans said.
“She doesn’t show it but she’s quite honest with them at times when she goes, ‘I hurt today,’ or ‘I’m tired today.’ But she just perseveres. It’s just amazing.”
Coaching the Warriors keeps Kerst moving forward.
Most followers of the program figured she would quit coaching. They thought it would be too draining for her.
“This is what kept me going,” she said. “I have this to look forward to. I have this to come to every day. I have a great job. I love my job.”
That doesn’t mean Kerst has boundless energy while she’s coaching.
She takes full advantage of her five-member staff when she can.
Jeremy Kerst said she took a tumble while coaching a game against Pleasant Hill, but getting to the diamond has been a perfect outlet for her.
“You can tell at home that definitely after she coaches that she’s a lot more happy, most of the time,” he said. “It gives her something else to think about besides that, something less painful.”
Project H.E.R. made such an impact on Kerst that she wanted to give back.
Kerst’s idea was to hold a pink out game to benefit the program, which serves Benton, Linn and Lincoln counties.
The game will be on May 4 at PHS.
But there will be more to this game than players and fans wearing pink.
There will be a couple people from Project H.E.R. at the game to give out information.
Stephanie Kerst had no reason to worry.
At 36, the mammogram was just a new addition to her annual check-up.
It was late August when Kerst, the Philomath High softball coach, went through the procedure.
The call came on Sept. 10.
They had found a lump. It was tiny, but it was there.
Cancer.
“I’m dying,” Kerst thought.
“Because when you first find out, they don’t know anything. All they know is, you have cancer. That’s all you’re told. So then you wait.”
Her husband, Jeremy, finally arrived home and they talked about the situation.
It helped that Jeremy is a cancer survivor, but the unknown loomed.
The next day Kerst got another call.
This one from Joann Stutzman of Project H.E.R., a local program that helps women who have been diagnosed with breast cancer work through the process.
They talked and Kerst realized that she had hope.
“It makes you feel better,” Kerst said. “You’re not dying. There is help. There are resources. There are all these things out there that will help you get through it.”
Kerst had no idea if she would continue coaching softball at PHS.
She called athletic director Steve Bennett soon after she found out and told him that she would be fine if they had to find someone else.
“Because at the time I talked to him I knew nothing,” she said. “He said, ‘I will do whatever it takes to make sure that you get to do what you want to do.’”
She knew she wanted to stick with softball.
There was a long road to go to get to that point.
Despite the inclination of her doctors, Kerst was determined to get a mastectomy.
She didn’t want to wonder if the cancer would come back.
“In my mind it was no question,” she said. “I always said that if I got it I was going to get a mastectomy. The doctors think I’m crazy because it was a stage 0-1 which is what I have for breast cancer, which is very small, but I just don’t want to sit and obsess about it.
“I just want to move on with my life.”
Kerst had surgery on Oct. 5.
Then the real troubles began.
Battle after battle
Kerst left the hospital on Oct. 8, a Friday. She felt fine and went to a football party the next day and seemed OK through the week.
She woke up the following Friday morning screaming from the pain.
It was a staph infection.
“I didn’t know what was happening,” Kerst said. “My left side was killing me. I was running a fever. We called the doctor and he said get in here immediately. I was in the hospital for five days because of the infection.”
A few weeks later she was hit by another infection.
“The whole thing swelled up. They took out 300 (cubic centimeters) of pus out of my left side,” she said. “The day after Thanksgiving I had surgery to have my left expander removed.
“Then I felt great.”
Kerst started chemotherapy in December.
She had four sessions and had a bad reaction after the second one.
She wanted to quit.
“I didn’t want to do it anymore and my husband’s like, ‘You can do it, you can do it,’ ” she said. “And after number three, you want to stop. People who do 12 chemo sessions or more, they are amazing to me. After number four, I couldn’t have done it.”
Kerst got through the chemo and did not have to go through radiation treatment.
Tests of her lymph nodes came back negative.
“Right now I can say I’m cancer-free,” she said.
A season of recovery
Her hair is growing back in wisps of blonde.
Day after day, Kerst is returning to her old self.
Getting back to softball was a tough transition physically but a boost mentally for Kerst.
Recovery from chemo and the surgery takes some time and Kerst had plenty of down days.
“I watch her and she’s inspiring in that she comes out and she pushes these kids to do their best even though I know there are times when she’s tired,” assistant coach Saff Evans said.
“She doesn’t show it but she’s quite honest with them at times when she goes, ‘I hurt today,’ or ‘I’m tired today.’ But she just perseveres. It’s just amazing.”
Coaching the Warriors keeps Kerst moving forward.
Most followers of the program figured she would quit coaching. They thought it would be too draining for her.
“This is what kept me going,” she said. “I have this to look forward to. I have this to come to every day. I have a great job. I love my job.”
That doesn’t mean Kerst has boundless energy while she’s coaching.
She takes full advantage of her five-member staff when she can.
Jeremy Kerst said she took a tumble while coaching a game against Pleasant Hill, but getting to the diamond has been a perfect outlet for her.
“You can tell at home that definitely after she coaches that she’s a lot more happy, most of the time,” he said. “It gives her something else to think about besides that, something less painful.”
Project H.E.R. made such an impact on Kerst that she wanted to give back.
Kerst’s idea was to hold a pink out game to benefit the program, which serves Benton, Linn and Lincoln counties.
The game will be on May 4 at PHS.
But there will be more to this game than players and fans wearing pink.
There will be a couple people from Project H.E.R. at the game to give out information.
The team is selling T-shirts (the ones we are wearing in the picture), taking pledges and donations will be accepted.
“Everybody does a pink out game but there’s no purpose behind them,” Kerst said. “They say, ‘Oh, we’re going to wear pink for this game.’ I want to do more than wear pink.
“This is my way of giving back.”
Monday, April 11, 2011
Another Opinion
When I last left all of this, I had an appointment with a specialist in Portland at St. Vincents to discuss my "What do I do now?" problem with taking Tamoxifen and swelling up like crazy. I had that today. I walked away more knowledgeable and more scared - not a great combination.
I learned I have a 20% recurrence rate without Tamoxifen and even if I would have done a lumpectomy, radiation and chemo my recurrence rate would still be 20% without Tamoxifen. Since having a mastectomy I am likely not to get the cancer in my breasts (not much tissue left), but rather brain, lungs, liver, and other organs. 20%.....pretty high if you ask me. And no way of testing for any of it - no bloodwork, scans, other tests - just a wait and see. Are you kidding me? Wait for it to strike? No prevention? What now?
My options are do nothing, get back on Tamoxifen or we try an aromatase inhibitor. The Evista that Dr. Lee suggested does not have a great track record for stopping recurrence and the doctor concurred with my findings that it isn't the best option. So glad I made this appointment.
Aromatase inhibitors are meant for women that are post menopause. I am 36, I am not post menopause, not even close.....medicine can do some amazing things. My five year strategy - a shot every month in my belly to trick my body into menapause and a pill everyday to trick my cancer in to staying away. Plan sucks....but my risk of recurrence is down to 10%.....I like that number better. Could be more side effects to deal with too, but I am no stranger to that...bring it, I will survive it, although I am sure there will be some grumbling. Not sure when it all starts, but my doctors will let me know.
Jeremy and I left with a plan, got to the car, and I cried and cried and cried. I never really had anyone tell me about the possibility of other cancer spots it could appear - my brain and lungs. That is a slow death waiting to happen. And no prevention, just six month check ups. Not sure what that does, but something I guess. This is the time that I become very in-tune with my body and listen when something feels wrong....my life depends on it.
I learned I have a 20% recurrence rate without Tamoxifen and even if I would have done a lumpectomy, radiation and chemo my recurrence rate would still be 20% without Tamoxifen. Since having a mastectomy I am likely not to get the cancer in my breasts (not much tissue left), but rather brain, lungs, liver, and other organs. 20%.....pretty high if you ask me. And no way of testing for any of it - no bloodwork, scans, other tests - just a wait and see. Are you kidding me? Wait for it to strike? No prevention? What now?
My options are do nothing, get back on Tamoxifen or we try an aromatase inhibitor. The Evista that Dr. Lee suggested does not have a great track record for stopping recurrence and the doctor concurred with my findings that it isn't the best option. So glad I made this appointment.
Aromatase inhibitors are meant for women that are post menopause. I am 36, I am not post menopause, not even close.....medicine can do some amazing things. My five year strategy - a shot every month in my belly to trick my body into menapause and a pill everyday to trick my cancer in to staying away. Plan sucks....but my risk of recurrence is down to 10%.....I like that number better. Could be more side effects to deal with too, but I am no stranger to that...bring it, I will survive it, although I am sure there will be some grumbling. Not sure when it all starts, but my doctors will let me know.
Jeremy and I left with a plan, got to the car, and I cried and cried and cried. I never really had anyone tell me about the possibility of other cancer spots it could appear - my brain and lungs. That is a slow death waiting to happen. And no prevention, just six month check ups. Not sure what that does, but something I guess. This is the time that I become very in-tune with my body and listen when something feels wrong....my life depends on it.
Friday, April 1, 2011
A Really Bad Game....
I am a coach, for those of you that have not picked up on that throughout reading my blog. The head coach of high school varsity girls softball. This is my side job, and I take great pride in being a role model in these young women's lives. We had two games last night, back to back, first league games. The scores....13-2 and 11-1, all finished in five innings due to the mercy rule (10 ahead at five innings), we are the low numbers = loss.
I am not sure how, or where the seams got tore off, or if in one catastrophic moment my girls forgot how to play softball. I don't know. They look to me for guidance, encouragement, strength and balance. I am their biggest fan at all times, even in these not so great moments. Of course I was angry, embarrassed, frustrated, and at a loss.Who wouldn't be? When you feel you have given each player the tools to be successful, witnessed their successes, bragged about them to peers, and, in competition it falls apart... that is heartache.
Game over, we took to the field and practiced. You see it would have been easy, just to leave, cry over it at dinner, and accept defeat. Why accept it? Why let it win? I can't get the game back, I can't reverse the loss, but I can take that negative and turn it into something positive. We lapsed, lost our mental stability so in some way it is my job to show each and every player they are capable after giving the game away to errors - eight dropped balls. And waiting until tomorrow loses the feelings they are experiencing. And we're off.
"Mine! Mine! I got it!" as she is running in to make the catch.
And she is calling it, leaps and dives to give everything she has to this ball, she misses it, but her back up is there. I shout, "Great effort, keep it up! That's exactly what we want to see!"
Ball is a tweener, in the 5-6-7 hole, everybody's on their horse, and you hear loud as day, "MINE!" can't miss that sound, the other two stop and the caller of the ball takes control - she wanted it, grabs it, and makes the play at two.
And it carried on. We started to be successful.....confident.....strong.....again. I took this really bad game and created a teaching moment for them to walk away that night, yes, with a loss, but also with knowing they can dive for balls, call it, communicate, keep composure.....do it.
Yes, right, there is always that one parent that has a problem with staying late, is determined I have no respect for others, and feels that telling on me is what needs to be done. I am OK with that, she doesn't get it. If I didn't respect, didn't care, didn't want the best outcome for these players we would have gone home, shoot, that would have been easy. By staying I taught them fight, drive, determination and most of all...we will never quit, I don't quit, it doesn't even exist my vocabulary. And now at this juncture in my life I understand "not quitting "at a completely different level - a higher level. I hope I am teaching this attitude of strength and desire and when these players leave, and are faced with adversity, they will know what it means to push through and never quit.
I have control....breathe....slow it down.....focus.....want it.......I will never quit.....I will triumph!
I am not sure how, or where the seams got tore off, or if in one catastrophic moment my girls forgot how to play softball. I don't know. They look to me for guidance, encouragement, strength and balance. I am their biggest fan at all times, even in these not so great moments. Of course I was angry, embarrassed, frustrated, and at a loss.Who wouldn't be? When you feel you have given each player the tools to be successful, witnessed their successes, bragged about them to peers, and, in competition it falls apart... that is heartache.
Game over, we took to the field and practiced. You see it would have been easy, just to leave, cry over it at dinner, and accept defeat. Why accept it? Why let it win? I can't get the game back, I can't reverse the loss, but I can take that negative and turn it into something positive. We lapsed, lost our mental stability so in some way it is my job to show each and every player they are capable after giving the game away to errors - eight dropped balls. And waiting until tomorrow loses the feelings they are experiencing. And we're off.
"Mine! Mine! I got it!" as she is running in to make the catch.
And she is calling it, leaps and dives to give everything she has to this ball, she misses it, but her back up is there. I shout, "Great effort, keep it up! That's exactly what we want to see!"
Ball is a tweener, in the 5-6-7 hole, everybody's on their horse, and you hear loud as day, "MINE!" can't miss that sound, the other two stop and the caller of the ball takes control - she wanted it, grabs it, and makes the play at two.
And it carried on. We started to be successful.....confident.....strong.....again. I took this really bad game and created a teaching moment for them to walk away that night, yes, with a loss, but also with knowing they can dive for balls, call it, communicate, keep composure.....do it.
Yes, right, there is always that one parent that has a problem with staying late, is determined I have no respect for others, and feels that telling on me is what needs to be done. I am OK with that, she doesn't get it. If I didn't respect, didn't care, didn't want the best outcome for these players we would have gone home, shoot, that would have been easy. By staying I taught them fight, drive, determination and most of all...we will never quit, I don't quit, it doesn't even exist my vocabulary. And now at this juncture in my life I understand "not quitting "at a completely different level - a higher level. I hope I am teaching this attitude of strength and desire and when these players leave, and are faced with adversity, they will know what it means to push through and never quit.
I have control....breathe....slow it down.....focus.....want it.......I will never quit.....I will triumph!
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Left Expander Follow up
Had my follow up today and all is well. My doctor is impressed with how plyable my left boob skin is for normally when an expander is removed the skin tends to shrink up. I was impressive with how well I took care of the left boob skin.....and I informed her that I took care of nothing and did nothing, and this was all natural. BUT, if I would have been informed of the casualties that could have happened I might have taken much better care of it. Well, it is all past now so the future is what I am looking into, and so far so good.
I start expanding April 11th at 3pm and end on May 25th at 9am. Can't wait.... and then no surgeries until September....life will be almost normal.....
I start expanding April 11th at 3pm and end on May 25th at 9am. Can't wait.... and then no surgeries until September....life will be almost normal.....
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