Sometimes I just don't understand how I could have this much bad luck. Why me? Why now? Why ever? I think this is where my good attitude and great drive might be fading.... and fast. Life sucks for me right now and I don't see it getting better in the near future.
So, last Thursday night, Friday morning, I started having pain on my left side. It was uncomfortable, but not to the point of needing pain pills, I was just annoyed. No temp either, so we are good. As Friday wore on, it proressively got more painful, and I needed pain pills to get through the night. And so the weekend goes on, and the pain was getting worse, and I had an elevated temp, but nothing real concerning - 100.4. My grandma had her 90th birthday party at Papa's Pizza, and nothing was going to stop me from going, how many times does a person turn 90 anyways, and besides a lot of the family would be there so I wanted to see them. And pain pills would get me through it.
Sunday night I was getting more and more concerned, so was Jeremy, but I just wasn't having the huge temp so I didn't feel the need to call any doctor. And besides what would they do? Just look at it and say it looks good, no worries, just rest, that is what they always say - just rest. I guess they don't understand that just resting doesn't pay the bills, at this point I wish it did, trouble is coming fast in that category.
Today, I woke up and could barely get out of bed to mix up my medication for the egg freezing procedure later on. My left arm and chest felt like someone was crushing them. And took my temp again and again it was actually normal - 98.4, so I was OK, and just needed to rest. I did call the doctor and he said to just stay resting for the day, if it gets worse give me a call. Called my boss to let him know, yet again, I wouldn't be in, and was struggling through all of this. At around noon, Joanne Stutzman called, one of the socail workers for the support group and such to check in on me. I told her everything and she said that I needed to check for redness and really should go in to see someone. I said OK, and we hung up. Went to the mirror and there it was... a very red and swollen left boob, well really my pecoral muscle stretched, but you know what I mean. Called Havard's office, and he wanted to see me at 2:30pm today. Called my mom to come get me and we went.
As soon as he looked at it, he knew..... and the expander needed to come out. And here come the tears....... wonderful! So, because I am in the process of harvesting my eggs, we would not do surgery this week, unless it gets worse. He pulled out about 5-6 ounces of fluid around the expander, it made it feel a little better, but not alot. It will get cultured and then we will know for sure how to fight it. For now I am on oral antibiotics and will get an IV line tomorrow afternoon to take the drugs that way. I will then have my eggs harvested this weekend sometime, then surgery sometime after to get the left expander taken out, and I will have my chemo port put in during the surgery as well. My life really sucks right now and is really painful, wish the pain meds would start working. How am I going to get through all of this?
The worse part is, if the skin on my left side starts to get creases, dimple or anything like that it may not expand very well when they put them back in, and there would be more surgery to get skin from somewhere else. And I am going to be lop-sided, and I don't want people to notice. I know they are only just boobs, but who wants to look at themselves in a shirt and see oneside with lumps and one side without? I know I don't. Why can't I just have something good happen to me right now? So back to resting and doing nothing - wish it paid the bills.
No comments:
Post a Comment