Saturday, January 11, 2014
Today is a somewhat sad day.....or a little disappointing.
I received a call from the embryologist to let me know how the thaw and fertilization was going. I started with 19 eggs harvested, 14 survived that were frozen. Of these 14, only 7 made the thaw, but 4 made the fertilization. But 2 are looking great at this point. She let me know this could change, we are not doing the transfer until Wednesday, and she will call me that morning to let me know where we are.
I just want to scream! I was hoping for better, but not really sure what better is. I have read all the stats for IVF procedures, I know it is less than ideal when it comes to success rates, I know it might not happen. But, really that doesn't matter. I am invested now, I am preparing for children, I want children. This want far outweighs reality, and telling me to keep a hold on my hopes isn't helpful. How is that even possible?
I want this. Really, really, really. I want this with Jeremy. He will be the best dad ever and he deserves it, possibly even more than me. We want this. I am optimistic but.......my hopes are sky high, but.......what if we fail? What if I fail?
The answer terrifies me.