Day 3

Sunday, October 17^th, 2010

Today was my break down day. Janice comes in to tell me I don’t have MRSA and we are switching antibiotics because it is staph infection and I don’t need as potent of drugs and she got the doctor to write me orders to be able to go outside. I was so ecstatic, but only a few problems…. I had no one to call at 8am to tell them the wonderful news and I had to be supervised – remember my husband, again, chose hunting. I cried, a lot. All I wanted was to share my awesome news and go out into the sunshine and just walk, breathe fresh air, and there was no one to do it. I called Whitney, well texted, who really calls anymore. I was hoping she would be able to break away from her family and take me outside for a walk. And he never called to find out about my cultures, never asked when he got to the hospital that night. He must have forgot how long 48 hours was or forgot the reason I was in there altogether. So for anyone who doesn’t know, 48 hours equals two days – how long it takes for cultures to come back.  

She showed up, and then Kourtney showed up too just randomly and the three of us went outside. I was so overjoyed, excited, sad, and more, just to be able to have the sun hit me in the face. We walked around a bit, then got some food in the cafeteria, sat outside and talked. They had to go, so I wandered back to my room. I can officially say my depression set in, and I was alone. I broke down and just sobbed. My nurse came in and I don’t think Stormy knew what to think or do for I had been so upbeat thus far. All I wanted was out of this stupid room and to be outside in the sunshine. She asked where Jeremy was, and I was embarrassed to say because it made me look like a real trophy for him – no not really, that is me being sarcastic. Stormy said she could call him, but what would that do is what I thought. I see the conversation now…

Stormy: So you know your wife is in the hospital and could really use you here?

Jeremy: Really? Well, I am out hunting, it will be a couple of hours.

Stormy: So you couldn’t come now?

Jeremy: No, I am busy and then she would have heard his big heavy sigh when he doesn’t get his way. THE END

So Stormy was coming up with a better plan to get her stuff done to get me outside, my tears started to subside – the feeling of loneliness sucks, and your spouse is supposed to be there with you, no matter what. BUT my sister made a timely entrance with my niece, Hadley, and she took me out. I was thankful. We walked, laughed at Hadley, and just enjoyed the weather. I felt better.

Went back to the elevator, and here comes Jeremy, finally, 5pm. Good that he showed some urgency of visiting his wife before he left the next day for the week. Pleasantries were not abundant. He bitched about his tiredness, I said to go home. When you are in the hospital or just sick for that matter, all that exists is you and the pain you have to deal with. Others who are healthy around you, are just that healthy, and quite frankly, I don’t care how you feel. Experience my pain and know you being tired really isn’t that bad. He helped me shower and left about 8pm – great visit.

Stormy came in to see how I was doing. We talked, I was grateful.... Thank you.